Through out these readings I've been trying to think what the one big issue was that impacted my own sense of spirituality when I was a full time Catholic school administrator. In this instance I don't mean what enriched my spirituality in an obviously positive way. (The kids were always the best part and they impacted my spirituality in amazingly graced ways!) But in this instance, I mean what shook me a bit. What caused a disequilibrium that might have caused me to loose sleep? I always find I learn something about myself when it's of the weight that it causes me to loose sleep. It was what Durka states on page 61: "Parents are more critical, demanding and divided. It is more difficult to establish a common set of expectations that support our efforts to maintain discipline and inspire our students."
Now I'm going to sound ancient, or worse, like I literally am turning into my own father, but I grew up in a time, a place and a culture that did not find itself so divided. I didn't grow up in a family less dysfunctional that the average family, but in reality our families' values were not in opposition to the stated or lived mission of any of the Catholic schools I attended. I jokingly tell the story that when I would be at dinner and start off a statement with "Sister said," one of my parents, not allowing me to finish the statement would say, "What did you do?" And I was a nice boy! I did very well in school. My parents would tell you that even today! I also wasn't an idiot, if I were in trouble (which I never was) I would not bring it up at dinner. My point is, my parents trusted my teachers (only 40% of whom were Religious so it wasn't just that), they viewed them as the experts and they wanted to reinforce at home what we were being taught at school (and the hoped for the reverse). On the rare occasion I (or my siblings) were being treated unfairly they might have inervened but not in accusatory way. And in the end they did teach us that even when we were right and the teacher was wrong that it was a good lession to learn where the power lies in certainly relationships. No doubt one could critique my parents methods of raising their children. God knows at times I have. But as Durka suggests, we are dealing with a crowd that can be "critical, demanding and divided." We see ourselves as mission driven and student focused. We hope parents share that vision, but...
I was principal of a high school in an area of the country (and a area of Pennsylvania) that time forgot. I mean that in a good way. Friends that would visit the high school from other places would refer to it as a "little slice of 1958." So on the rare occasion that there was clash between the mission of the school and a parent, it was all that more glaring. I could really shake me. These were often people I would also see at Mass, or at Eucharistic adoration, who would then turn on a teacher or me for having enforced a long standing rule or expectation. I knew we were right. I knew we had a sound philosophy and practice in place. I knew we were pastoral with the kids and with parents. But still, the clash of expectations would shake me.
To do this well takes a spirituality beyond simple self-knowledge and introspection, though both are an important part of developing that spirituality. This has to be grounded in something, dare I say, in someone. If a teacher has never felt put upon or misunderstood, or wrongly accused or has never had a parent suggest that the teacher (or administrator) compromise their beliefs, values or ethics - that teacher hasn't been teaching on this planet.
We make bold claims in Catholic education. Those bold claims, in things like God incarnate, the value of suffering, the hope of the resurrection - that's the foundation of our spirituality in Catholic education. They can't be the after thought. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that when I would lay awake at night going over and over an incident with a parent whose values were, simply put, screwed up, I must admit I too would forget that bottom line. Thankfully I would forget that bottom line for only a brief time.
I can't imagine wanting to be involved in education that is not connected to my faith and our tradition. And even with the grand and wide debate about what it is to be Christian or Catholic, I'll take this arena of education any day over one in which God can not be spoken of.
At the end of those sleepless nights, my consolation was always in the Christian mystery.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'd agree that there has been a sea change in the way many/most parents interact with schools. When my partner teachers and I find a kindred soul of another generation who has the same philosophy we (teachers) have about children (our own included), we latch onto that person and cultivate a relationship. It is, alas, rare. Why the helicoptering and not allowing for personal growth is beyond me, but it is undeniable and in the water. Still, like you, for any five sources of frustration in a Catholic school, there must be 1,000 in the other forum. Teaching to the whole person is a privilege; mother (standing in the doorway) notwithstanding.
ReplyDeleteWell, I always sound ancient. I also like to write with a fountain pen. I am doomed. (just kidding of course - hopefully I am not doomed but I do use a fountain pen!) I have turned into my parents!
ReplyDelete~~
Point so well-taken about the demands of parents these days as compared to an earlier time and day. Teaching now is both the best and worst of times, in a certain sense. I'll talk about the worst here. The expectations of parents now, so diverse, sometimes so changeable, and at times so dogmatic, make for a tough atmosphere for teachers to do their work when issues arise. I hate to say this but legal aspects often complicate matters, sometimes scaring the players or used by them as a sword and shield. There are almost too many considerations when problems arise. The forest for the trees . . . .
As far as Catholic schools specifically, it's true that up until the '60s before social conditions so dramatically changed and the Church had undergone transformation, that there was much more common ground between parents and teachers. There was a "same page," facilitating dialogue and understanding. Things were simpler. There is much to say for that. Without clear, common ground, successful dialogue is almost impossible.
Your post made me reminisce of days gone by in good old Pennsylvania. By the way, time still hasn't remembered the place yet (haha).
ReplyDeleteAs far as embracing ourselves in our Faith and Christian mystery when dealing with difficult parents, I try to act as Jesus would. I love them.
Your commentary raises a great question for me: how do Catholic schools engage in formation of parents?
ReplyDeleteWe all have seen countless back-to-school nights and letters to the parents.
What works? I'd like to explore this more.
It will require engagement, not a one-way presentation. How do we remain engaged with parents while setting appropriate boundaries. In this day and age, I sense that technology could be a great tool.
Thank you for this response, as it is a gift to me. I struggle every day with trying to get parents to buy into the mission of our school, which often involves persuading parents to accept the structure and rules of the school. Let me just say that this certainly doesn't apply to most families with whom I work, but sometimes I just wonder why there is this instant distrust of the people to whom parents have entrusted their children. Since when does the enforcement of standards and rules equal non-Christian behavior? (Yes, I have heard that argument.) I suppose my mind goes back to when I was a child, and the question posed to me by my parents was always "What didn't I do?" rather than "What is the teacher not doing?"
ReplyDelete